Sweet boy, did you know that missionary? So hard and sad.

Monday night Annie and Joseph went to see Lindsay Sterling at the Institute.   

Tuesday Nate and Nicole invited the siblings to come and meet Lewis.  We were able to gather in a beautiful room and see this tiny little man who's spirit filled the room so much. He was so so tiny, so beautiful, so perfect. We all just wept together.  Everyone took turns kissing his little head and spending some time at the baby casket alone.  He looked so peaceful, so smart and able.  He was so amazing. No one wanted to leave.  It was a sacred time with both grandparents, Jeff and I, Spencer Jen and Nate and Nic. Angie didn't get the message in time to make arrangements.  That was very sad. There were more people there than just us. The room was so thick with the Spirit. 

Nic looks so tiny when she's sad.  She cried openly, outwardly, suffering so much. Nate is hurting just as much but feels so keen to support her and be strong for her.  

The service was incredibly beautiful.  We all sobbed when Nate as the only pallbearer lifted that little casket out of the car and set it on the stand.  We opened with I Am A Child of God with Nate on the guitar.  The Bishop spoke. Nate and Nic had "story time", where they just talked about Lewis from the very beginning. They knew his name and had Lewis themed nicknames from the beginning. They talked about their time with him. They talked about the decision to take him off of life support, and said it really was no decision at all because he would have absolutely no quality of life.  Nate was so so tender, and Nic sobbed openly.  They allowed whomever wanted to say something to speak. Grandpa Jello did, Spencer did, Marissa and myself. My Dad spoke about Lewis's names.  He had studied and discovered that Lewis meant renowned warrior sent from God, and Nathanael was from Greek origin, and that he had an ancestor named Lewis Chris that served a mission in Adelaide Australia. It was so amazing. Lewis means Sent from God, so he's a renowned warrior Sent from God.  I read the poem I wrote for Lewis.  The Bishop spoke, Nate dedicated the grave, and we sang "God Be With You Til We Meet Again, as well as we could.  They played a Christmas song they had recorded, Away in a Manger, while all of us were able to place a rose on the casket and hug Nate and Nic. 

Such sorrow, such profound sorrow, but such hope.  Nate bore a powerful testimony. Spencer's was beautiful,testifying that they would have their baby again.  We have clung so tight to those profound truths, and also knelt in awe and reverence trying to thank heaven for the truth we know. How glorious to know of atoning grace for infants, of eternal families, and that mothers will have their children again from infancy and not one day will be lost.  

After the service there was a beautiful lunch at Grandma Jello's house.  They had set up a display of pictures of him.   We spent precious time together and shed more tears and ate a lot of beautiful food.  As much as I hold it against Jeff, food is a great comfort.  

Tuesday night Annie had Standards night. I went but shouldn't have, I was not put together enough. 

We've been playing games at night to distract from the pain.  Wednesday night was our last with big Spencer. Angie's family came over and we played some games, green couch games.  

Grandpa Ruel helped me put together a flourescent light bar. I'm trying to grow plants in the backyard.  

Seth: yesterdays yesterday was so fun.  First we went to Home Depot and looked at all the wood. Then we went to that place, Cabella's, and I was looking at the fish, and Chris paid bought some fish food for me and we dropped it in. Then I dropped in three at a time. Then we went to Costa Vida. i got something so yummy.  I got rice with that stuff in it and I also got a burrito. For dessert we cut up a thing. It was like a cinnamon tortilla, but it tastes so good.  

Thursday night we had the most amazing time.  Nic and her mother Soula spent the day cooking for everyone.  We had a big gorgeous candlelight Greek meal.  It was so lovely. It made me want to change my ways and make dinner more of a family celebration with more taste and time being part of the quality experience.
It was scrumptious and very pleasant in every way but the pain of the loss of Lewis, which is still with all of us but most profoundly with Nate and Nic. 

Today in Sacrament meeting Spen played Called to Serve Baptist style with Tanner Garner. It was AWESOME!! Joseph gave an incredible talk about apostasy and restoration. He introduced the idea by talking about an incredible Roman city discovered in our time, and how we can not replicate the incredible artistry. He compared this to other churches and how they try to imitate but can not replicate.

It was awesome! Really awesome! He has a gift. He became emotional as he talked about Joseph Smith. It was fantastic! 

This afternoon we went down to say goodbye to your wife, if you don't marry Kirsten, Lindsay Roberts.

She leaves Wednesday for Chicago Spanish speaking. She looks awesome.

I love you. I LOVE YOU!! We cut the pine trees down in the front yard. Don't cry.