October 2, 2023

Oh my beautiful wonderful incredible angel girl. If we can't talk all day a big beefy double double with animal fries and an XL drink email seems to be in order-should be doing that every week anyway. ACHING to know it all-you're in my every step and thought, prayer and minute and hour- What is the daily like? What are the personalities of the sweet girls you live with? I'm praying for late night giggles. Who have you met? What are they like? Who are you working with? How is your tummy? What are your thoughts? Are you sleeping? What are your worries? How is the ward? How humid is it? How's your skin? How hot is the weather? Do you need more yellow socks? How dangerous are the streets? What is your companion's story? What have you learned about her? Life has been humblingly beautiful here-I just feel like it's rather ridiculous. The blessings and advantages we've been given are so over the top unbelievable. I want to consecrate, dedicate, put more discipline in my discipleship and ask Heavenly Father with every breath I take WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ME ALL THIS AND WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH IT ALL? It kind of makes my adnoids hurt to think of the incredible advantages and blessings I've been given, and I don't even have adnoids. Been super proud of Seth this week-math is kickin his tooshkie marooshki but he is not a quitter-he's doing two or three hours a day. I feel like Murphy is really on his team, but it's not coming easy. I'm watching the birth of a scholar in real time. At some point the frustration of making mistakes becomes so profound that you grit your teeth and build the fence right. (Ultimate gift movie). He is doing that. I'm up at 4:30 talking to Kaela about business ideas and it's heavenly. She's thinking about organizing homes-AS A SERVICE, get enough views, etc. I think they could start a home organization business and rock the house. Had a heart to heart with Coy-the internship this summer was super hard and his confidence took a beating-hard to see your precious boy struggle against those feelings. I ache over the real life real time war against motherhood that is in full front line engagement. I want to raise my ebeneezer and sob and scream and testify and plead on my knees for every mother in the world to not miss the greatest opportunity of all of eternity, and not minimize the importance of eyeballs, hearts, schedules and passions pointed right at that child all day every hour and minute 27 hour a day love. I'm so grateful so so so grateful that motherhood is so important to all four of my daughters in law, and I'm so grateful for every precious moment those boys are so loved and read to and taken care of. Anyway, I know we all want to and think we can have and do it all, but I think I myself as of late have been a wounded casualty in the war on motherhood and I have allowed both panic and pride to interrupt and disrupt my faithful place as the queen of this home. I know I have to work to support us, but I at times lack the faithful humility to maintain the daily practices of faith, and sometimes I put money before motherhood, but I am going to do better. I've been reading Come Follow Me scriptures to Seth in the morning while he gets ready and that feels really good. Anyway, sorry, that is something that is ALWAYS on my mind. I have lots of goals after conference. The one French guy wrecked me. Anyhoo-Seth is mathing with a dedicated discipline that is so beautiful to watch. Coy is trying to build confidence that he can do the work of a lawyer. Marcus is being read to at 5:13 am by Kaela, it's just too exciting to be at Grandpa's. When you wake up at 4 am and you are Marcus you can't go back to sleep. The boys love Grandpops so so much. They both want him all the time. Everyone slept over Saturday night, all four couples and both babies and we stayed up until 1 laughing and laughing-the best-my favorite. Griffin came out of Seth's door Sunday morning and I said hi so excitedly and he looked at me and said "bampops". They call him bampa, bampops, bampopsies, ampa. If he's not there Marcus will just walk the house mourning and moaning like moaning Mertle. Mckay is INCREDIBLE. He is bearing so much without so much as a frown or complaint, he is just unbelievable. He just was so pleasant and funny and darling and chasing Griffin all day yesterday and so sweet and interested in everyone and then as he was leaving admitted that he would be getting up at midnight to finish a final that is due today. Lydia has taken a part time job that she can do at home for an influencer. I'm going to have Grandma Wednesdays-hopefully that will give her time-it's 5-20 hours a week-anyway Mooks is in freaking finals at purdue and also working overtime at L3-five extra hours a week and just as pleasant as EVER. The baby comes next month. I feel SO BLESSED because I feel like God is helping me so much to clear my schedule so I can do all the things that really matter-THOSE THINGS ARE NOT MONEY-money matters but not most. Spenny and Kaela are so glorious, li love them so so much. Spenny has taken a job framing with Tyler-50 HOURS A WEEK. His hands are so sore. He has blood blisters and slivers. It's such hard work. It's so hard to see but I'm so proud of him too. Kaela is just amazing. I really really love her. Her fires of faith are so bright, deep, and incredible. They are doing so good. The next step is exciting-they could be anywhere. They are looking at Texas! I think they have some grand adventures ahead. This world doesn't deserve his tender heart. Spen is the sweetest. Joseph and Alee are so in love it is just amazing. She is loving school and learning so much about positive living. He just finished a 1 credit entreprenuer camp almost thing-they "invented" strap on skates. Dad is tired-he's been driving a lot. We had a come to Jesus about the businesses and I told him I couldn't do both by myself and he chose to do a lot of the driving. Friday he drove another 12 hours. I love you! The French guy's talk wrecked me. YOU ARE MINE! I Iove you May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. May God be with you and bless you: May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness From this day forward. May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home, And may the land of a friend always be near. May green be the grass you walk on, May blue be the skies above you, May pure be the joys that surround you, May true be the hearts that love you.