....Such a depth of agony when we realized Mckay's was the only letter in your inbox, words can not express how sorry....especially on a week with a little more yearning for home. I could fill pages with the depth of our remorse, but I won't spend our time there as you only have an hour. Just know our hearts were broken. We are so so sorry. 

What a sweet dream. What a sweet gift. 

When I started out I was going to be an extraordinary person, that was the plan. I was going to rock life, own life, be in the driver's seat and do extraordinary things with talents, learning and service. I have found it all just quite a bit harder to conquer than I originally anticipated.  I feel like maybe the last family in the wagon train, pressing on through the thick and choking dust.  We are carrying on, and it's quite a triumph when we can just pay our bills and feed our children.  I'm convinced that I'm not an example in anything, but Spencer Roger,  I AM SO GRATEFUL TO BE HERE.  I am so grateful that I get to feel the sunshine warm the crown of my head. I feel so humbled that my eyes get to see the sun play through the leaves in the trees.  I am so humbled that a gentle breeze brought to me the glorious scent of petunias as we walked into the Jordan River temple yesterday. I am drenched, drowning in glory and I'm so grateful I get to be alive. I'm learning so much.  I am so grateful that I have had my children's arms around my neck and felt their breathing get heavy and steady as they have fallen asleep in my arms. Every second of motherhood has been such a sacred privilege to me. I did not know someone could love someone like I love my children, I didn't know it was possible. I didn't know a heart could feel the exquisite unspeakable joy that has been mine watching a little blonde boy run across the yard pumping only one arm in a little yellow swimsuit. I didn't know a person could feel so much joy watching him grow and change his pants in the middle of the store.  I'm so humbled to be given a heart that pumps 200,000 times a day, enough nerves to go around the world two and a half times, eyes that see the glories and my beautiful children's faces, ears to hear the sweet sounds of life and talking and laughter.  I am so humbled that my elder brother, knowing I could not make it without him, in such exquisite love paid the price for my many sins to be washed clean.  Through his love, his life, his death, his unspeakable pain we have hope, healing, forever families and the best friend any of us could ever imagine.  The more I live the more overwhelmed I am at what a gift it all is. I am so fully aware that I'm not worthy or deserving of any of it, it is all just pure love and infinite mercy.  I never thought I would need so much grace, that wasn't my plan, but THERE IS INFINITE GRACE FOR ALL OF US. How can I ever ever thank Heavenly Father enough for letting me be your mother? You have been nothing but absolute pure joy every single second. You are so unspeakable precious.  I am so grateful Heavenly Father let me be here, and I'm happy to be the last in the wagon train because there are so many ahead to learn from, and it is such a sacred privilege to just be alive, to live, to love and be loved, and eating everyone's dust is awesome because I love dirt. I am so thankful for the precious gifts that are mine I can not speak it, I don't know how.

Some highlights of the week: 

• I didn't think I would cry when Josh baptized Joseph, and Joseph baptized Annie, and Joseph baptized Jake and every one hugged each other after yesterday in the Jordan River Temple.  A "priest" has not administered an ordinance in the temple since biblical times until now.  It's so precious.
• I've had sacred times with Grandma "gettin the bottles filled". I love it so much, and I know it's sacred and I'm trying to hold on to all of those memories but it feels like the ocean passing through my toes on the sand.  Grandma Jan is true majesty to me. She has perfect love.  We've bottled pear sauce, pears, tomatoes and beets this week.  SO THANKFUL TO BE HERE. 
• We had a fun precious night at Grandma Raspberry's Monday night. We celebrated part of Mooks birthday with golden eggs, picking a bucket of raspberries and have a fun family night on the glorious blessings and promises of doing family history work.  
• Speaking of family history work, my sweet incredible amazing absolutely fabulous front of the wagon train parents are letting me work for them when I don't get enough seminary work and help them do our own family history work.  I did that one day this week and it was SO FUN!  I scanned pictures! Here are some highlights. 
• 

This is Big Spencer hugging Bentley with Taylor Stone chubbing on the side.

• Look at Lolly's cute little face in this one. That was a fun day. 
• Seth and Walker and Eli had to take their shirts off while picking Laura's grapes.  
  
• There are so many grapes this year!  And so many pears!  
• Tuesday night Mckay had a birthday party at his house in Provo and invited the kids. Lots and lots of cute girls and handsome boys everywhere.  Alee came with us. Mckay stood up on the table and gave a life speech about the Hugonots or something.  Joseph was sure I would ruin Mckay's life by showing up but he is still alive today.  We went through a car wash on the way home just for fun.  
• I got some sweet time with Coy yesterday, he stopped by.  We got surprise tickets to Scarlet Pimpernell so Annie, Seth, Jeff and Grandma Raspberry went at the new HALE center theater!  So fun!!  Coy is awesome.  
• The kids are rockin' school, I'm super proud of them.  
• The ward girls are rockin volleyball, Seth made a cute lego tribute to the explorers, we filled purses for the domestic violence shelter at relief society, dug out a block in the ditch that was flooding Grandpa's yard on the watering turn, Dad went to Fairview and got the trailer off the mountain with Grandma Raspberry, the bread run was just too much for Becky Parry's car with Grandma Jan so we had to run and fill the back of the truck with bread.  Life is fun and precious.  We are going to get the mannequin out of the shed and give Mckay a girlfriend for his birthday today.  
• Here is a sad thing: We had an accident in our neighborhood Monday night and -------hit a man riding a horse and the man was killed. It was tragic.  He was blinded by the sun and didn't see him and his horse jumped into the road, just a sad sad accident. The man was Ruben and Elizabeth's dear friend. He painted with Ruben.  Very very sad.  He was a young father.  We will be at Catholic mass tomorrow to honor him, and the neighborhood/ward/city of Bluffdale is donating money to help.  Russell is taking it rough. 
• I taught seminary a couple of times this week.  

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!  Thank you for being such a great example to ME!!  You are everything!  We love love love you.  

We had bought jandals and were ready to send them, but now "no open toed shoes" right? What else can we send you?

Love you like crazy! Love, Momzies.