Ye Old Christmas Letter.....

Don’t get all worked up, y’all don’t have to read it if ya’ll don’t wanna, just use it fer a holiday napkin instead


Howdee ya – all! How’s y’all? How’s y’all’s y’all? How’s every little fixin? How fun to get to write y’all a fixin! We miss y’all sore, and wish we could all fex up a nace summers naght where we stir up some homemade virgin moonshine and roadkill barbeque and set on the porch and jaw a spell, peckin’ on the Banjo, talkin’ about our times and our kin, but we’ll have to ketchup heres and now over this here’s letter and the one yer about to shoot our way anytime now.


Ya, so’s perty much you ken cross out the year on last year’s git down ho lee day letter, and everythin’s pretty much exactly the same as we was, except fer Jeff was laid off and we plumb clean dropped to the very bottom of the tax bracket (unemployed in Greenland, minus Greenland)and we’re startin’ up are own business, Jana slipped a disk in her back, we’re livin’ off our food starage, so’s pretty much we eat dry rice fer breakfast, water for lunch, and just sits around and swells up fer dinner, the youngin’s have all grown a spell and changed a lot, our baby who was knee-hi to a grasshopper is two and puttin everythin’ in the toilet, , and we started up a non-profit organization to help missionaries who can’t afford to go and offer micro-credit business loans to the underprivileged, other than that everything’s jist about exactly the sames as last yearz.


What we didn’t see comin’ from behind was how absolutely plumb giddy we’d be, and how sweet the view is from right heres in these here’s saddles.. Honestly, I wonder if I died in the night and was taken up to heaven. We have had six months of sweet family time, and everything good and worth somethin’ has gone up a notch. Our prayers are sweeter, we fast with more purpose, we’re separatin’ out needs and wants into more honest piles, spend more time at the library and the park, eat a homemade supper together every night ‘cuz we’re not chasin’ around to every kind of lesson and shindiggin’ activity tryin’ to be somes kind of special, big shoppin’ means goin’ to both sides of Wal-Mart, we are poor as church mice but livin’ our dreams, doin’ what we want to do, subject to no man but death and taxes and our Savior by choice, and absolutely loving life. It’s so fun to appreciate everything with a new pair of glasses, if my kids get rocky road now they just about have a tizzy fit, and for pizza y’all have to watch or they may blow a gasket. It is sure fun to have everything little be so big, and everything ordinary be so special. It’s fun to ‘preciate it all brand new like. From where’s we set I don’t know how slife could be much better.


Jeff’s business is all about imployment services where we’re helpin’ people fex up their re-su-me’s and git all the spellen’ and punksheation raght and stuff, credit, background and drug checks, and et set er a. If y’all’s y’all have some kin you’d like to get all checked fer drugs er is lookin’ fer work and wants us to market them, y’all let us know, we do that now. We might ask for your I.D., and if you say “bout what?” you shur’nuff came to the raght place.


I’m mor crazy ‘bout my man than ever, and I want to make a bobble-head of Jeff with 79% more bobble, he is such a champion and I’m so proud of how he’s handled everything, (even though he still thinks loadin’ the dishwasher is givin me a $20, and he said he told me he luved me when he married me and if things change he’ll let me know (no news yet so I guess things are all raght) he knows There’s many theories about arguin’ with a Woman, None of them Work. jes kiddin’).


With all the diets out thyere and everyone going off carbs, calories and corn syrup, we thought (by being compelled without choice) we’d go off money. The diet has had some surprisingly wonderful benefits. I highly recommend it, as long as you can see the last page of the story and make sure everything works out. We’ve yet to see our last page, but we’ll let you know, and whatever comes, it will find our little family standing together, maybe in a double wide with a transmission in the bathtub, but together and lovin’ it.


Y’all keep in touch now and send us all yer special numbers and words so’s we can keep up on what’s goin’ down. Yer name is writtin in big red marker on the back of the frozen chicken wrapper in our kitchen (it’s wheres we keep our favorite people list cuz we couldn’t find sum paper). If y’all y’alls want to help us by givin’ $1-$5 dollars a month to help missionaries so poor they can’t afford their dental work, suit and transportion to go on a mission, or to fund very small business loans to those whose lives can change completely with a bike with a basket, tortilla grill or a sewing machine, please e-mail Coy at Coy@jrchristensen.com and we’ll send more information.


Well, we’ve taken too much of yer sweet time, so remember now, don’t squat on yer spurs, if yer feelin blue just turn on some music and shake what yer mama gave ya, never drink downstream from a horse, and never never name a pig you’re fexen to eat. May the Lord bless you in everythin’ as He has done us. We love Him with all our hearts and souls.










Why we think theez youngin’s shood git the Noble Piece Praze….


Coy…does lots of book larnin’ (his favorites are on his blog at coyiscoolness.blogspot.com, for doin’ both homeschool, BYU highschool and Electronic highschool, for reading the comics every day without fail, wearing shoes the size of boats, Grandpa Roger teaching him to shave his moustache and picking up a Driver’s Ed book , for getting’ over his addiction to Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the Oldies (jes kiddin), passing up his Mom and almost Dad in height, eating as much as eight Tibetan monks would every meal, Magic, Munchkin and Heroscape, keeping us laughing, purity of heart, for working on his eagle project setting up a non-profit to do micro-credit business loans, missionary and perpetual education fund support in South America for now and hopefully the world, for wanting his scuba-diving certification, receiving his patriarchal blessing, inventing the 1000 island potato and having fourths often, 120 pound bee harvest from his beehives, , making homemade Chuck Norris snowglobes out of Ziplocs for his friends, building robots, clearing his place and wearing clean socks sometimes, and very good intentions


Mckay…being a BYU Freakypants even running through the neighborhood screaming every time they win, being so very positive and optimistic, fiddlin’ it up with some Mannheim Steamroller Christmas which we are loving, student body officer, jokes, belts because his pants don’t stay on, goin’ to the state geography bee (now that was an interesting crowd),always reading the sports section, most likely to be put in time out for asking for a cell phone 485 times a day, making videos of himself, preisthood trip in Washington D.C., Mooks writing songs about girls on his guitar, Mookie Poppins and Benjamin temple celebration, and very good intentions


Spencer….student council, art, sweetness, always playing outside, reflections winner fer a mighty fine poem, askin’ for a pencil sharpener, being asked 200 times this year not to throw the football in the kitchen, getting’all 20 Webelos achievements, being knighted with his times tables, Hip Hop dance lessons, starting his own weeding business, always wearing slicky pants, and very good intentions


Joseph.. getting’ tubes in his ears (we found out he wasn’t hearin’ much of anything but what sounded like it was underwater), loving rocks, home-schooling, making Sethy laugh so hard (sometimes even maiming himself for the cause), . Our family enjoyed being part of the cast of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”. Jeff was Ruben, Mckay the youngest brother Benjamin, Spence was the fat cow, Annie a tumbleweed, and Joseph was the goat they ripped apart to put blood on the coat, so everyone called him “Joseph, the amazing Technicolor dream GOAT”, learning Christmas songs, being the stunt-dummy for his older brothers, actually growing this year, becoming a Wolf Scout and working on his Bear, Joseph winning the Pinewood Derby, reading all of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series but not bein’ one, gaining a spot on the radio show ‘Scripture Stories’ for the LDS church making him quite popular as the only person in the house with money, often possessing an extra punch of undirected gumption, knowin’ subdivision is not a math problem, and very good intentions


Annie-still wearing size 4’s in the waist at almost 6 years old, back handsprings, miss how many elastics can we fit into one hairdo, finding out and being quite upset at the fact that we are born naked, learnin’ to read, letting her little brother share her room, having her own interpretation of what clothes match, loving “girl parties” with squeaky clean kissing movies, nail painting and up-do’s, learnin’ to read and rite


Seth…nicknamed “kutch”, rubbing hemorrhoid cream all over his body, moo for every animal, singing songs, dereis!, the other kids are working on their six packs and he is working on his “one-pack”, having to have his Mommy’s hair in his hand so he can rub it on his nose and in his ears to go to sleep, if he doesn’t like how his diaper smells or feels he just drops it and runs around in the outfit he was wearin’ the day he was born, and making everyone’s voice go up two octaves when he comes in the room. As for me. I still can’t figure out what to do with ma hair, I can’t get the house all clean at once, still feel plumb weak north of my ears, and I thought I was supposed to stop getting acne before I got wrinkles. I’m crazy about my man (when he’s not drivin’ me crazy) and my kids are so so fun (between the times I want to bite ‘em). When I got married I had all kind of child-raisin’ theories, now I have all kinds of children and no theories. I LOVE LIFE, it’s a great adventure and I’m sa grateful to have the sun on my back, the wind in my hair, to be invited to counsel with my Father in Heaven at any time, and to grow my own little garden of sunflowers and children. Love to every last one of y’all, and you have a down rite hootin hollerin getty-up Holiday ya hear?!


Christensencrazykooks.blogspot.com askforthemaam@gmail.com (801)446-3518 all the sames.


NOW Y’ALL GET YER LETTER OVER HERES JUST ABOUTS NOW! (we mean that in the very sweetest way )